The retirement conversations couples often avoid
Retirement is a relationship transition too.
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The retirement conversations couples often avoid
One of the most interesting things I’ve noticed about retirement planning is this: In many couples, one person is usually more ready to think about retirement than the other.
One person is curious. Planning ahead. Wondering what the next stage of life might look like.
The other is often still deeply focused on work… or quietly hoping retirement will somehow just “sort itself out” later.
While this is incredibly normal, it can also create tension if couples never properly talk about what they each want from the years ahead.
Because retirement isn’t just a financial transition, it’s a relationship transition too.
Suddenly you may be spending more time together than you have in decades. On top of that, your routines change. Your independence changes. Your priorities can shift. And sometimes, couples discover they’ve been imagining very different versions of retirement altogether.
For example, you might dream of travel and adventure, and your partner might want stability at home. Or perhaps you have decided it’s time to slow down and give up work for good, but your partner might want to start volunteer, study, or work part-time.
And neither person is wrong. But these conversations matter more than people realise.
I often say that one of the greatest gifts couples can give each other before retirement is not a perfect financial plan. It’s clarity.
Clarity about:
what matters most
how you want to spend your time
how much freedom you each need
where you want to live
what role family plays
what a meaningful life actually looks like for both of you
One small exercise I encourage couples to try is this:
Ask each other:
“What does a really great week look like for you in retirement?”
Not the fantasy version. The ordinary version.
Where are you waking up?
How are you spending your days?
What would make you feel energised, connected, fulfilled and balanced?
You might be surprised by how different - or how similar - your answers are.
And that’s exactly why these conversations are so valuable. It will help you build be on the same page and approach retirement as a team.
Join us for our very first UK course
After helping thousands of Australians through the How to Have an Epic Retirement program over the past two years, we’re now bringing the course to the UK for the very first time.
It’s hosted by me, Bec Wilson and UK Actuary and Retirement Coach, Charlotte Gibson - so you’ll get some really useful learnings from both of us plus there’s three live Q&As over the program, with guests include: Dan Haylett, Financial Adviser and Author and Neil Jones, Retirement Expert from Standard Life.
This isn’t a webinar. It’s a proper program, done together, over six weeks and it starts on the 28th May. The course is designed to give you the confidence and practical know-how to plan your retirement properly. It’s not generic advice. It’s a program built from the ground up for the UK – the State Pension, workplace pensions, ISAs, finding purpose, happiness, looking after your health, traveling in retirement, building plans, goals and so much more.
Plus, the pilot pricing is the cheapest it will ever be - and you can share the one ticket with your partner (in fact, we encourage couples to do it together). It’s designed to help people start talking about retirement differently, not just through the lens of money, but through lifestyle, relationships, purpose, health and the future you’re building together.
Included in the program:
6 weeks/ 100 video lessons organised in 14 modules
Exercises in every module, making it easy to digest
A Conversation Starter workbook to accompany your learning
A copy of How to Have an Epic Retirement - UK - ebook edition
3 Live Q&As with some of the UK’s best retirement experts.
Or if you’re ready, you can book your spot here before registrations close.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out with your questions to bec@epicretirement.net
Cheers - let’s make it epic!
P.S. Don’t forget - to celebrate the launch of the UK Course, we’re also giving away 5 free seats in the program. To go into the draw, simply give our Epic Retirement UK Facebook page a like and follow along.
Author, podcast host, columnist, retirement educator, and guest speaker
"A little shooting." That is how a British ambassador described a massacre that killed up to two million people. For 60 years, the UK government denied any involvement in the 1965 Indonesian genocide. Now, recently declassified MI6 documents reveal the brutal truth behind the propaganda machine and the oil interests that fueled it.
Read the full investigation and the archival evidence here:
https://substack.com/@flaviomiddei/note/c-265995035?r=7wb6lh
What are your thoughts on these revelations, and how do you think accountability should be handled after decades of silence? Let's discuss in the comments.
The conversations couples avoid before retirement are almost always the ones retirement forces into the open. The structure of work provides a kind of buffer — you're both busy, both tired, both focused elsewhere. When that scaffolding comes down, the underlying dynamics are just sitting there at the breakfast table.
I retired nearly a year ago after forty years as a ship's master. Long absences were the default for most of my career, so the sudden permanent presence created its own adjustment for both of us. Nobody had written the guide for this particular version of the transition.
This is such important territory. I write about the emotional and relational mechanics of retirement life daily at theoldgreythinker.substack.com — well worth a look if this conversation resonates.